Tatsu no Ko Fighter is a dreadful action-platformer, a primitive disaster bearing disgraceful visuals. Its nature was immediately apparent to me from afar, but since conquering it is often alleged to be a nigh-impossible task, and since I'm always up for nigh-impossible tasks, I decided to give it a try. I discovered that it is indeed tough, but its challenge is of the "hard for all the wrong reasons" variety. We get a weak hero, wretched jumping controls, and abysmal collision detection in a world of countless bottomless pits; thin platforms; deadly booby traps; blind leaps; spiked floors; and really fast, really strong enemies.

And now I hear my friend Nectarsis (Turbo Master of the Great Midwest) asking, "Aren't there ANY redeeming features?" Well, a couple of the tunes aren't too bad--and are obviously wasted here.

These two cloud-riding guys are helpful in destroying enemies who would normally laugh off your regular attacks and maul you. They can't keep your feeble, clumsy avatar from falling off those thin columns, though...

...nor will they reveal the many traps the enemy has set for you.

I like the skeletons, who lob their own heads at the hero.

But there isn't much to like about the bosses, who are stupidly easy to beat. Just before stomping on them, the inspired farmer-boy protagonist undergoes a laughable transformation into a "muscleman." Look at that mighty weapon he wields; how could his foes have ever stood a chance?

During your travels, you pass through crudely drawn villages where you can rest, upgrade your weapon, and speak with some incredibly ugly townspeople.

Yep, there are towns and transformation scenes... and there's even a little bit of romance. Tatsu no Ko Fighter truly is a complete package.