Your Parents

MissaFX · 10/14/2008, 12:37 PM

I've never had a good relationship with my parents, at least for very long at a time. For all of their BS talk about wanting to have a good relationship with their kids, they just never follow through. It has taken me many years to realize it too, but it's basically all their damn fault. I really don't think they ever wanted children and that they would have both been happier with a dog.

It's a little hard to say this, but to be perfectly honest they never invested anything into me, but they expected the world from me, just because I was autistic. You'd think most parents would expect less from their autistic, asmatic, immune difficent, etc child, but no... My dad expected me to do everything that he didn't do in his childhood, because of similar problems he has!!! My mom is another story, but lets just say that her expectations were equally insane. So instead of nurturing anything I was good at, they forced me to only do things I couldn't or was totally inept to do. After my dad stopped playing the NES himself, they pretty much fought my video game interests up until oh say 2001. I could have gone on from middleschool to be a game developer. I can see it now myself going over my old projects. I could have been a novel writer, right out of 5th or 6th grade. My writings from then are better and more facinating than books I have read in the last 10 years. I let a friend read some while he helped me organize boxes and he agreed. There are several other jobs I could have gone on to do directly from the 6th grade.

However they activly fought against anything I was good at, finding fault in it. I only have 3 christmas/birthday presents from my parents in my whole life that I care anything for. That is about 1 present every 10 years worth getting! FUCK. I give them something each year which is generally awesome. Something they actually want too. Hell, my parents actually made my buy them specific gifts for christmas and birthdays every year. Because they made me work for them at little to no pay working their shipping department (as a child!) I always had money saved up...which I would get to spend on them

This seems abusive to me today as well as many of their other practices.

My mother literally used to say all the time, and she really ment this with her heart
"When you have children, you can make them do whatever you want."

This is the love I know from my own parents.

In fact my parents were always looking for angles to use my sister and I. Weither it was lying to public officials, having my younger sister shoplift, lying for them to countless other adults, or using us in some way to get benifits which they could spend on themselves... They were always looking for an angle. Sadly my younger sister has latched on to some of these ways

My mother was especially in my younger years, a drug using, bi-polar, alcoholic...which ment she was SUPER unpredictable. It also ment anything good she promised she would quickly forget after. I don't know if this was a common practice in the 80's, but by the time I was 6, she would send me to the store 10 blocks down the hill to buy her beer and cigs, which the store worker would get for me (the beer) and bag it, and then I had to haul it back up the hill to the house. I always apparently told her as a child I always wanted to play with her, but she never took the time. Why is it my memories are full of beer trips instead of...well you know...it's too hard to say, I'll fall apart totally if I try to express it.

I hate that I love them...I wish to god that I could sometime break myself off from that personal abusive cycle. I hate they EVERYTIME I start to trust one of them, they totally let me down. It's a very scary thing to say, but they should have put me up for adoption. At least then they would haven given me a fighting chance. I've learned, painfully, I am much better on my own than with them. God that's painful to say. Every desierable quality I have, is one that I fostered and said was more valid than what they preached. The only thing they taught me was how to endure endless torment without loosing all of my sanity.

So....how is the relationship between you and your parents? If anyone wants to say anything on the subject, good or bad, anything they just feel they want to say, feel free.

mobiusclimber · 10/14/2008, 12:44 PM

Unfortunately, you don't get to pick your parents the way you can your friends. And you're stuck with them the rest of your life. But that doesn't mean you have to let them affect you forever. I really don't want to get into it, but I spent a good portion of my childhood in foster care because of my parents. Now they hear from me on holidays, and that's the way I want to keep it. There's no sense in trying for anything more. I have a wife and good friends, they're all the family I need.

NecroPhile · 10/14/2008, 01:00 PM

Sorry to hear that your life growing up was so shitty; your parents certainly sound fucked up. It doesn't provide much solace now, but remember that it could've been far worse (sadly enough). Don't be afraid to try writing again or to stick your little toe into programming; you're far to young to be resigned to some career that's totally unfulfilling.

Luckily, my parents have always been supportive. I enjoy a pretty good relationship with 'em, though they occasionally bug the shit out of me with their goofy plans; no doubt they think the same of me from time to time.

Here's Necromancer's prescription for more happiness: shit in a box and mail it to those who've screwed you over (preferably postage due). Trust me, you'll feel much better.

albinoMithos · 10/14/2008, 10:03 PM

Missa that's really fucked up. I'm really sorry to hear that about your parents. Well I will say that since your still young (IIRC somewhere in your 20s or 21 where time stopped

) you have time to go out and do what you want/need to do. If you get the chance go out there and go for it. If you need help I'm sure plenty of us here wouldn't mind lending a hand. If you want to get into game programming then hell start teaching yourself, become badass, get a crapload of scholarships, and go back to school (I know it sounds like a pipe dream but I've heard of it happening with enough time and patience). Just don't let it get you down and become the person you want to be not what they want you to be.

Now that that Dr. Phil moment is over I gotta say that my relationship with my parents is been Ok I think I might be better at interacting with them since I'm not around them and they really have never went against what I was wanting to do in life as long as it didn't put me in a bad place. They never had a problem with my excessive gaming as long as it didn't get in the way of school.

Quote from: guest on 10/14/2008, 01:00 PMHere's Necromancer's prescription for more happiness: shit in a box and mail it to those who've screwed you over (preferably postage due). Trust me, you'll feel much better.

I couldn't agree with this more if it were laced with shit and poured into an open wound of somebody who deserved it.

OldRover · 10/15/2008, 05:27 AM

Hrm...which set of parents? My "real" parents were rather worthless. My real mother, who was 18 when she had me, would leave me in the closet when she had to go out somewhere (so I developed a thing for hiding in closets), wouldn't feed us very often (so I developed a habit of harboring food and looking in the trash), and all kinds of other nice abusive things. At the age of 2, me and my brother (who is younger than me) were "stolen away" by an uncle, and placed into protective custody of the state of Tennessee. One of our aunts wanted to adopt me, but the state wasn't going to let a lesbian have custody of a child (hidden under the guise of "we don't want the children separated"). So we were both adopted by another uncle and his wife. This new woman who I was forced to call "Mom" would beat us, often times for no reason other than she was pissed off at the world. When she felt that we'd been extra bad, she'd get her husband to beat us too. And that's to say nothing of what she did to me when no one else was around. I don't know if my younger brother got the same treatment as I did when no one else was around. Also, from a very young age, I was called "devil child".

Growing up, I too was prohibited from doing the things I really liked to do. Instead, I was forced to do things that conformed to "Mom"'s vision of what a boy should like, such as sports. I never really liked sports, although I was an excellent runner. I grew to HATE all popular sports, something I retain to this day. I wanted to be a computer programmer, but she would never let me use the computer (we had a C64). I also liked video games, which I was also forbidden to do while everyone else got to play. It seemed that any time I found something I liked, I was denied the right to do it. In order to escape from her abusiveness, my brother and I would go outside and get as far away from the house as possible.

Finally, when I was 15, I had had enough and started running away from home. When it was obvious that even that wasn't enough, I attempted suicide. That got me locked up in two different mental hospitals...they were looking for "what's wrong with this brat" but in reality, should have been looking at her. I was eventually sent away to a group home over an hour away, and then to a foster home, where I turned 18, becoming free of her control. But it didn't end there...even as an adult, sometimes parents will try to maintain control.

In late 1995, someone had come up with the "brilliant" idea of sending me to Tennessee to meet my real mother. Since I had no real life skills at the time, I agreed to the plan. So in early 1996, I moved to Tennessee to be with my real mother. She seemed like a decent enough person...sure, NOW, many years later, but she denied everything that I've ever been told, so I had no idea what was really truth and what was just family lies. Anyways, it seems I did not get along with my half-brother, and we ended up getting into a huge fight and killing each other. I returned to Vermont the next day, and over the course of the next year, came to learn of the true reason I was invited to go down south: it was "Mom"'s wish, as well as the wish of the lesbian aunt who couldn't adopt me, to have me go down there and kill my real mother. Kill two birds with one stone...get rid of the black sheep of their family, and in the process, get rid of me as well. All the hatred "Mom" made me bear for my real mother was meant to eliminate her in the end. Unfortunately for them, things didn't go as planned, and both me and my real mother are still alive.

There are far too many more details to list, and I am often told I should write an autobiography. Maybe I will someday. But as it stands right now, I have cut every last family member of mine out of my life, and am glad I live in a place where I cannot properly speak the language because I have very few real social skills and quite often say the wrong thing due to the intense hatred I grew up with.

But yes, it most certainly does sound like your parents would have been much better off with a dog. Some parents, especially like yours and like mine, would have been much better off if they'd never had children to begin with. But alas, we're here, scars and all, so we have to make the best life we can for ourselves despite being shit on so many times.

My suggestion for you is to do exactly what I did...cut yourself off from them completely. After some time, enough of the wounds heal that you can try to live a normal life. And if you ever need a place to go, you're welcome here.

guyjin · 10/15/2008, 06:43 AM

Quote from: OldRover on 10/15/2008, 05:27 AMAnyways, it seems I did not get along with my half-brother, and we ended up getting into a huge fight and killing each other.

what?!

drdre · 10/15/2008, 08:09 AM

Well, I'm very sorry for everyone that has bad parents, though I can't say the same...

My father immigrated from Costa Rica when he was in his twenties, and met my mom in California (I'm mixed). While my mother constantly brings up the fact that the first 5 or so years of their marriage were terrible, due to my father's cheating/beating, after 5 years passed, and we moved out of a terrible neighborhood of Chicago, things got much better (I was only like 3 at the time).

Between then and when my parents divorced, I had a pretty good childhood. Sure, my parents had their quirks, their own way of getting angry and dealing with it ( my dad never hit, but when he was really, really mad, he would grab us by our ears), but overall I had a good, stable childhood. We went on tons of family vacations, my mother bought me numerous toys with my father's money, etc. I can't say I ever saw them really fight/treat me or my brother badly.

When my parent divorced I was 17, so it didn't really affect me too much, I was old enough to see it coming. After that, though, things did get a little weird....

Fast forward to today- my parents are still divorced/unmarried, my father has a particular fondness for women (lots of women) and my mother, who is older than my father and in bad health, has a particular fondness for marijuana (and yes, i am her enabler, since I don't want a 60 year old woman trying to buy drugs by herself).

In their defense, when my son was born and I was only 19 (living at home, going to community college) they both took it very well, and both have continued to support me greatly!

PCEngineHell · 10/15/2008, 08:10 AM

Quote from: guyjin on 10/15/2008, 06:43 AM
Quote from: OldRover on 10/15/2008, 05:27 AMAnyways, it seems I did not get along with my half-brother, and we ended up getting into a huge fight and killing each other.
what?!

Lol, yea youre telling me. Zombie Rover haunts PCEFX.

All I can say is my mom did her best as a single parent. Not always perfect, sometimes there were scenes, but I mean, usually this was just due to me and my sister being a problem of some kind. In the end she always did her best given what she had to work with. I hadn't seen my dad sine I was around 1 1/2 up until I was 17 in court because the state themselves was going after him for back support. My dad never paid it. He lives in the same city I live in now. Every now and then we spot him walking down the street, exiting a store, ect.. Hes always well dressed, still looks to be in good shape (was a body builder in the 70's), so Im guessing he takes care of himself. Do I say Hi? No. Do I care to? No. Why? I don't need him. I lived my entire life not knowing him, and I don't desire to start now.

They asked me in court during the back support case if I wanted to see him. Said no then too. It probably sounds cold, but life had and has been moving on, and hes the past. I simply don't have time for him. When I was a kid, he never tried to see me. At 17, in court, he may have wanted to then, but who cares. I was almost grown up, and did it without his help, money, or moral support. Whatever he would have had to teach me as a father to a son, I don't want to learn. I learned what I needed to with him not around by my mom, that you don't have to tough it out with a worthless fuck just to raise your kids. You can go it alone. How does this affect me as a adult now? I do exactly that, desire nothing more then to go it alone. I date very little these days. When I do date someone, usually I ditch them after a bit due to boredom or due to the fact I don't want anything serious going on in my life right now with someone, or I show such a utter lack of interest in the person that they eventually ditch me and move on themselves when they realize it isn't going to go anywhere for them because I don't want it to.

Im greedy with my free time, my children, and my money. Ive found that a couple women Ive dated seem to think Id get lonely,desperate, need help, and want to settle down fast ect, because of not having a mom around for my kids. It never occurred to them that my kids have not had a mom around for the past few years, and they are doing just fine. They don't need a mom, they have their dad. To that effect, someone telling me they want to get serious with me, move to the next step, and try to use " I love your kids and want to be their mom" or "because your kids need a mom" as selling points or reasoning with me have all failed. My interest in having someone jump into a serious relationship with me now so they can pretend to be my kids mom, it isn't going to happen. I'm not interested right now. I may never be. I like my space, and my freedom to raise my kids the way I see fit without someone else being around trying to put their 2 cents in on how they think it should be done.

Im not scared to live the rest of my adult life alone. I don't wake up in cold sweats, gripped with fear Ill be a old man all alone. My mom embedded that much into me, to not fear that kind of crap and be with someone, anyone, just for the sake of not going it alone. Besides, Im sure when Im a bitchy old man, my kids will be there holding my hand.

OldRover · 10/15/2008, 11:06 AM

Quote from: guyjin on 10/15/2008, 06:43 AM what?!

Hey it was late at night, and I forgot to include the word "almost".

MissaFX · 10/15/2008, 12:28 PM

Quote from: OldRover on 10/15/2008, 11:06 AM
Quote from: guyjin on 10/15/2008, 06:43 AM what?!
Hey it was late at night, and I forgot to include the word "almost".

I assumed you cast re-raise on yourself before the fight and he forgot to.

In all seriousness though I'm glad you adapted to the closet better than I did. One of the other little quirks about me is that I have low latent inhibition, which means that even though you shut me up there, my brain continues to process the whole house around me, the rooms and every object I know in those rooms. If I know of what parts something is composed of or if I know how something functions like a fan, all of those elements are also observed if I concentrate on any one object. As a young child entirely unable to understand this confining my body without confining my mind drove me mad at times.

There's a lot I have left out in my posting, but I understand all too well many of the things you went through.

*hugs*

Ninja Spirit · 10/15/2008, 02:23 PM

Wow this thread is pretty candid.

I had a stable childhood, I loved both my parents (my mom RIP). First off, I'm gonna go ahead, fast forward and be happy to say that in the last few months of my mom's life, they were getting along and talked about remarrying a week and a half before she died.

Thing is though, on behalf of my mom. I actually had a mixed bag toward her because of their bad marriage, whenever I went to visit her, just out of nowhere or things would be going good and then the vibes come up that's she's gonna give me 5 hours of sob stories. As far as I know this was some uncontrollable chemical imbalance type habit.

It took nerves of steel to tell her that I don't want to hear it cause of the possible reaction, which means some form of guilt trip and possibly a full scale fight (verbal fight, physical is out of the question.)

She used to talk mad shit about my dad and was hardcore with it too. Even tried to convince me that my dad was homosexual, but I wasn't buying any of it. She even tried to use me as a tool to spy on my dad to see if he's cheating, or she would cuss out any person who called our house and got the wrong number.

I didn't see her for an entire summer because how she talked to me about him after an incident that happened between my parents at my house while I was innocently in another town playing softball with my school.

I guess to her everytime I object to her claims, she automatically thought that I was against her.

At times she was mentally ill, hallucinating snakes, and thinking anyone wearing dreadlocks was doing voo-doo on her.

Warning this is gonna get semi-graphic right here...

One night my mom and I were driving around and it was the worse time for me to be trapped in the car with her in one of those moods: In the middle of a neighborhood in the dead of night when everybody's in their houses.

I told her I did not feel like hearing it. She just went psycho and started cussing like a sailor. Had we stepped out of the car, someone would hear us and call the cops on us for DTP

She made me so fucking MAD, I actually started to have violent thoughts like ramming her head through the windshield. Instead, I started kicking the glove compartment and the passenger seat got totaled from the forces of my movement. However though, my hand did reluctantly reach for the skinny end of a Mistic bottle lodged between the seat and the door.

yeah that's how fucked up it was

ParanoiaDragon · 10/16/2008, 02:20 AM

Well, personally, I have a great relationship with my parents. As a child, I ofcoarse didn't understand the things they said I couldn't do, or the things I should do, etc. Now, I do understand, & appreciate their discipline. That's not to say that they didn't make mistakes, ofcoarse they did, like when my dad would spank me, because he thought I was peeing on the carpet(it was my grandpa's dog doing that), & I would actually admit to it, because I figured I wouldn't get spanked as hard. Eventually, he saw the dog doing it, & even to this day, feels bad about the whole situation & how he treated me.

Now that I'm older, & I work with him, I consider him one of my best friends, & I feel like I can talk about anything with him, & I hurt whenever I think about how old he is, or his infirmity's(he needs his knees replaced badly), & fear losing him someday, not to mention my mom who's diabetic now, not to mention the various things that come with old age. They mean alot to me, & I know I'm one of the lucky ones.

I do feel though I could never have children, I feel like I'd be a terrible father, very impatient. I think, in some respects I'd be protective, but, well, we just don't want children, so, we have no plans of ever having any this side of armageddon, that's for sure!

MissaFX · 10/16/2008, 11:38 AM

Quote from: Ninja Spirit on 10/15/2008, 02:23 PMI told her I did not feel like hearing it. She just went psycho and started cussing like a sailor. Had we stepped out of the car, someone would hear us and call the cops on us for DTP

She made me so fucking MAD, I actually started to have violent thoughts like ramming her head through the windshield. Instead, I started kicking the glove compartment and the passenger seat got totaled from the forces of my movement. However though, my hand did reluctantly reach for the skinny end of a Mistic bottle lodged between the seat and the door.

yeah that's how fucked up it was

Don't feel bad about it, you didn't want her to die, you just wanted her to stop dumping on you. Your mind was only thinking such drastic thoughts because you hadn't had time yet to process the situation with your higher reasoning. *hugs* *hugs*

Golgo13 · 10/16/2008, 04:41 PM

Hey Missa,

While I did not have the exact same situation as you, I can relate because I too have a very bad relationship with my parents, they had me very young and were emotionally abusive and crazy. Giving me a very bad start in life that affects me to this day. The only advice I can give is to learn from what they did wrong, and vow to try your best to have a healthy family one day, to break the cycle of disfunction that is the best thing you can do to get over it someday, and I am still working on that myself. I plan when I have a family of my own one day to exclude my parents from my childrens lives because of all the things they did to me, and while that is very harsh, not something I would choose, in my case my parents never apologized once for anything they did to me. Sometimes you have to be firm.

Be very cautious in who you pick as a partner to raise a family with, and take lessons from older people who have more stable and less whacked out family lives, in my case, my parents were too "Independent" for their own good, forsaking the traditional values that families should have.

PCEngineHell · 10/18/2008, 04:25 PM

Missa, reflecting on it all, this is how I see it. You can totally take it as either me being a asshole (which I tend to often be since I typically call it liek I see it), or as a intervention, or just solid advice. This is just the internet,so what you do outside of it is completely up to you in the end.

Since you have been here you have made many statements about being Bi-polar, having Asperger syndrome, asthma, and hip issues. Since I don't know you in person, I could only assume either all of this was true or you have may suffer from a mild form of Munchausen syndrome. True,the vast majority of people who suffer from Munchausen syndrome often seek out attention from doctors, there are many who seek attention by other means, family, friends, peers, ect. Munchausen syndrome itself can be caused by alot of what you described as how your childhood went down so before you decide to get mad as to why I would think this, just know that Im just going by what all you have stated, and so by that, that was how I formed that assumption. Again,that's all that it is, a assumption since I don't know you in person, just me being a bystander sizing up the situation as he sees it. Part of the reason I see it this way is possibly because I have been around people who have suffered from it, but that by no means makes me a expert in the field, just someone who has had a little experience in it here and there. Munchausen syndrome can sometimes result from severe depression, and its very obvious you are depressed due to serious issues, and there is medication and counseling out there to help for illness like this. Help is there, but often times unless some one else steps up and forces the person suffering from it to get help, they often dont.

If infact you do have all the problems listed above, again, counseling, and the right medication would benefit you more then hurt you. Obviously if your bi-polar/Asperger you should be on medication. Either way it goes, its obvious you suffer from a great deal of depression, and there is help out there for all the above, and in many cases,free. There is free counseling, support groups, ect. Yes, you would have to seek out said help on your own, as no one here could do it for you, or force you to, it just has to be to that point where you say enough is enough and seek it out. It could greatly improve your situation.

Also coming into play is your surroundings. Sometimes its best to leave them and move elsewhere. You literally just have to take yourself out of what could be a bad situation where you are exposing yourself to alot of unwanted hurt, and move on. Moving to a new town, city, state can help you start fresh. Surround yourself with new friends,, make yourself a new family of people who are supportive of you. In the process, sadly you would have to cut contact too with the cause of the pain, as in this case,your parents, but this would prob be more beneficial to you then harmful from what all you have described. In the end, you have to do what is best for you. Your parents had their time in this world with you, and they botched it, yours is now and you need to look out for your own better interest.

Either way,as I see it,you are hitting that point in your life where you really need to put your foot down and say enough is enough, and do something drastic to help improve your life and well being. Just my 2 cents on it all. And no,this has nothing to do with anything you and I discussed in shout so dont size it up as a personal attack of any type. I have actually been thinking about this for awhile now, for many different reasons, and discussed it plenty prior with a couple of others both before and after you made this thread. Just hoping you take some of it to heart either way because you shouldn't have to live feeling like your life has amounted to nothing but shit, nor should you let your past continue to haunt or control you I think..

Zeon · 10/18/2008, 04:41 PM

Mike has a point Missa. I don't think anything he is saying is of mal-intent, in fact it is quite the opposite. You have proven many a time that you are a kind, helpful, caring, and just downright awesome human being. The only reason mike is offering his advise is because he cares about you. We all do. True, none of us are really in a position to understand what you have been through, and none of us have the credentials to truly help you. He is just offering the suggestion that you should take a look at your life, where you are at, and where you are going and decide if that is ok for you. Although we see a problem, it is up to you and only you to decide if there really is a problem for you and if you need to change that. All of us here are here for you, we will support you and help you, but there is only so much we can do.

I truly hope you do not see this as an attack or us being malicious or rude, we are simply expressing our thoughts to you because we care and worry about you.

PCEngineHell · 10/18/2008, 05:41 PM

Ill note too Missa,my family,the majority of them in general,aunt,uncles,cousins, I literally had to cut my ties with them in my teens. We only got together at holidays, for the usual gift giving and as I started to get older I started to pay less attention to opening up awesome gifts and getting money and listen more into what the adults talked about, which was usually bad racist jokes or just really obnoxious stuff in general that I wanted no part in. I ended up taking myself out of the situation, not getting together for family events, and avoiding them almost altogether. Its a hard thing to do at any age,completely shunning parts of your family. My mom and sister were not like this, nor was my grandfather. Mostly he was just quiet about things.

He was a pretty passive person all in all. My grandmother, whom I still see, is more or less hard wired old south in some ways. She had that mild old racist like manner about her that over the years, she has overcome mostly or keeps to herself. She was also bi-polar, and a heavy alcoholic in earlier years of my youth. I loved her to death, because she was always there for me when I needed her, so it really hurt to see her like this, so Im very thankful for the life she lives now compared to how she did back then. I think my grandfather passing away changed alot of her, for the good, rather then for worse.

In retrospect now, this great family I have shunned, the majority of them are the last ones willing to help my grandmother when she is ill, or needs help with important things, like bill runs, groceries, picking up meds, ect. as she is around 82, and cant do too much stuff on her own, so in that regard I often feel I made the best choice by not having much of anything to do with them. To me it seems mostly family was only important to them when Xmas hit, and thats not how it should be. Stuff like that will only cause hurt.

Windancer · 10/18/2008, 06:01 PM

Oh Missa,
I was teary eyed reading your post. I cannot understand any of your problems. I had 2 wonderful parents who were always there for me and my mother who is still with us is still there for me anytime I need her. My father passed away about 15 years ago and I had a few issues with him growing up but the last couple years of his life he really reached out to me and came to live with us and we talked it out and got things straight. I miss him very much today and wish he was still with us. My father was always drinking when I was young and ruined many of goodtimes we would have at family gatherings and such. As we got older though I think he realized this and really made a great effort to quit the drinking. In fact the last 3 years of his life he didnt drink at all and me and wife had a great time with him living with us. Im so sorry that you had a bad upbringing it sounds like your parents are very selfish. I know it would be hard to break away from them cause they are your parents and you may feel alone out there in the world. But maybe that would be what it takes for you to be a better woman. I hope the best for you missa and will throw some prayers your way for a better life as I love talking with you in the shoutbox and trading items. You are a wealth of information and a great person in this forum. I hate to see you hurting. You've probably been to doctors for help I hope that maybe you might hookup the right one someday and you can help yourself sort out your issues with everything. You can email me anytime missa and talk about anything i'm no pro but I will give you some compassion and understanding. It's always good to talk about things with someone whether they be professional or not. I dont give advise as I dont feel like im in that position to do so but im pretty good listener.

*hugs*
windancer

MissaFX · 10/18/2008, 06:45 PM

Quote from: PCEngineHell on 10/18/2008, 04:25 PMMissa, reflecting on it all, this is how I see it. You can totally take it as either me being a asshole (which I tend to often be since I typically call it liek I see it), or as a intervention, or just solid advice. This is just the internet,so what you do outside of it is completely up to you in the end.

Since you have been here you have made many statements about being Bi-polar, having Asperger syndrome, asthma, and hip issues. Since I don't know you in person, I could only assume either all of this was true or you have may suffer from a mild form of Munchausen syndrome. True,the vast majority of people who suffer from Munchausen syndrome often seek out attention from doctors, there are many who seek attention by other means, family, friends, peers, ect. Munchausen syndrome itself can be caused by alot of what you described as how your childhood went down so before you decide to get mad as to why I would think this, just know that Im just going by what all you have stated, and so by that, that was how I formed that assumption. Again,that's all that it is, a assumption since I don't know you in person, just me being a bystander sizing up the situation as he sees it. Part of the reason I see it this way is possibly because I have been around people who have suffered from it, but that by no means makes me a expert in the field, just someone who has had a little experience in it here and there. Munchausen syndrome can sometimes result from severe depression, and its very obvious you are depressed due to serious issues, and there is medication and counseling out there to help for illness like this. Help is there, but often times unless some one else steps up and forces the person suffering from it to get help, they often dont.

If infact you do have all the problems listed above, again, counseling, and the right medication would benefit you more then hurt you. Obviously if your bi-polar/Asperger you should be on medication. Either way it goes, its obvious you suffer from a great deal of depression, and there is help out there for all the above, and in many cases,free. There is free counseling, support groups, ect. Yes, you would have to seek out said help on your own, as no one here could do it for you, or force you to, it just has to be to that point where you say enough is enough and seek it out. It could greatly improve your situation.

Also coming into play is your surroundings. Sometimes its best to leave them and move elsewhere. You literally just have to take yourself out of what could be a bad situation where you are exposing yourself to alot of unwanted hurt, and move on. Moving to a new town, city, state can help you start fresh. Surround yourself with new friends,, make yourself a new family of people who are supportive of you. In the process, sadly you would have to cut contact too with the cause of the pain, as in this case,your parents, but this would prob be more beneficial to you then harmful from what all you have described. In the end, you have to do what is best for you. Your parents had their time in this world with you, and they botched it, yours is now and you need to look out for your own better interest.

Either way,as I see it,you are hitting that point in your life where you really need to put your foot down and say enough is enough, and do something drastic to help improve your life and well being. Just my 2 cents on it all. And no,this has nothing to do with anything you and I discussed in shout so dont size it up as a personal attack of any type. I have actually been thinking about this for awhile now, for many different reasons, and discussed it plenty prior with a couple of others both before and after you made this thread. Just hoping you take some of it to heart either way because you shouldn't have to live feeling like your life has amounted to nothing but shit, nor should you let your past continue to haunt or control you I think..

Holy crap your insane! You can't even keep track of my problems, not once have I had a hip or bi-polar problem, nor do I suffer from depression. You tried to fight with me today and when I wouldn't fight with you, you bad mouthed me for pages and pages in a personal attack on me designed to do nothing but get you attention Michael. You are also ignorant of the USA and our federal programs, extreemly ignorant. You seem to be the only person with this huge problem with my life and have seemed to have it out for me for a long time here. I have tollerated your behaviour and even been friendly with you, but you for whatever reason have just never learned how to get along with people.

Try to hide what you have done, but the drama train stops here buddy. If you continue this needless hostility I will report you to the mods.

PCEngineHell · 10/18/2008, 08:09 PM

Missa, when Nintega was doing his stuff in shout, when it was suggested he may be Bi-polar, or have Asperger syndrome, you indeed claimed to have the such like him, along with ADD and went on to state the symptoms you experience. Its often genetic so you saying your mom has it too along with her other problems doesn't surprise me. Drug using problems, bi-polar, alcoholism, these things often can be genetic in their origin. I could have swore before in shout also you mentioned having them and a hip issue that kept you from going out to do certain things. This was in regards to when you were complaining about issues with a pre-paid debt card and a certain ebay rip off that had happened and trying to get that situation fixed. Do I keep up with all your health problems,no. I only seem to see them when I am on and you mention them in public.

Of course,this all would be in shouts archive if you or anyone else wanted to nitpick and look back on it, and again, I could be wrong, but at anyrate I remember positively you saying in a post also you were stuck at home disabled due to some kind of lower back or hip problem, so if I got that minor detail as to why mixed up, forgive me. I did not bad mouth you for pages upon pages on end, and no, I'm not so ignorant as you would like people to believe. My ex was bi-polor, and qualified for many programs and support groups, clinics, free medications, which she simply flat out refused to partake in,other then right after she tried to kill herself. Even then she only got help for a short while before insisting again as usual that she was fine and everyone was out to get her,or crazy, or simply that they were saying she was crazy.

The same goes for her mother,father and brother. When they moved to Arkansas we had to help them get the proper help they needed set up. The last person I dated, her brother had similar issues I got to learn about. People in my own family have had issues in the past, its not a new subject to me nor is searching out the proper programs,support groups, and meds for it. I am also quite aware of the disability programs that are offered out there due to illness or injury, that can be keeping someone from obtaining valid work, ect. I'm not even going to go into my past work experience.

I also don't know what this stems from, but I fail to see how you would say I have had it out for you, esp for a long time now. What exactly have I done to you in the past to make such a accusation exactly? Please elaborate specifically if you don't mind? I mean, anyone I was out to get, I wouldn't speak to when I see them in shout, nor invite to play Shogo with, often when I knew they were around.... I don't make it a habit to host online games to play with people I don't like....... or join them on theirs.

Its obvious you have some kind of depression going on, Im not the only one that sees it here, others do as well, nor do threads like these appear out of nowhere. You don't see other members here starting major threads like this daily or weekly unless something is wrong. As far as hiding something, I have nothing to hide. I didn't converse with myself in shout. Zeon and others were there too. Did I get irked with you, initally, yes, because it was your insistance to say I was in a bad mood and wanted to argue, when indeed I did not, then you up and left. I said something right after about you that I wish I could take back, but cant, as it was very harsh, and expressed my feelings perhaps in too negative of a manner, but does not really pertain to the other subject that was taking place righ up until a couple mins after you left, nor do I feel what I said was the right way to initially address this situation here.

Regardless of that, I only made a point that you felt the need to comment on a situation you claimed to not even know the details about (regardless of whether it was your goal to make a point or not), with automatic statements that I pointed out are typical and that every one gives (they were the exact same ones given for Dean, that even I myself were guilty of giving), and why people should not be doing the such anymore. You took that as a insult I can only assume, as you ran. If you cant handle such heated debates or discussions to begin with, don't insert yourself into them as you did, that usually works best. Yes I was blunt with you, but I did not mean to insult you there, nor does that have anything to do with the fact you started this thread, so you can drop the everyone's out to get me victim act, your a adult for Christ sake. Time to tough up a tad.

Regardless, that too again has nothing to do with my post nor Zeons in this thread, regardless of what some would consider bad timing (which I mean really,would it matter if this was referred to 2 weeks from now? I doubt it, as I think your reaction would be the same regardless), and the other could be discussed elsewhere if you still wanted to, which I doubt. If you feel perhaps this is only due to you and I talking today, then you can ask Nec in private if you like, as the stuff I mentioned today I mentioned prior to him the other nite on yahoo. It has nothing to do with today's shout event other then me and Zeon discussing it, and I have nothing to hide as to how I feel about the situation, or my thoughts on it.

If you don't like reading/ hearing others thoughts on it, then I highly suggest you don't post about it, as you are taking your private life and presenting it for others to examine and discuss in both a positive and negative manner. Am I going to tell you what exactly others think or have expressed to me about it, no, that's up to them to do so, and really honestly, the only reason I even posted here again was due to Zeon suggesting someone maybe should, regardless of if you really wanted to hear it or not. It was not my initial idea so that you will know. But again,I have had prior discussion about it with others, yes.

In regards to you commenting on my issues with getting along with others here, I seem to have no lack of friends here, or for getting along with them. Oddly the only folks I tend to not get along with are the same ones my friends dont get along with either, go figure.... I however wasn't aware you were just tolerating me and doing me such a great honor as to being friendly with me, but if that's how you see it, you can drop the act. Nothing I hate worse then folks acting fake or living in make believe, as I have stated plenty times before. You dont have to act fake with me, even to keep up civilness. If you dont like me, then simply avoid me if it does you a better service, don't feel like you have to speak to me or otherwise just because I am in shout, or that we are in the same community. Its simply just as polite as far as I see it, and am more then happy to do the same.

For your part, this will be the last time I reply to you in any manner then, until I hear you desire otherwise in a respectable fashon. Personally, I take it as a huge insult that you have stated I have been out to get you for the longest (regardless of if it stems from community paranoia, bi-polar,Asperger, or whatever), reasons why are listed above, I have more then proved I am the last person out to get you, so how I see it is a waste of my time to do any further conversing with you. I simply don't need the stress it would cause to do otherwise.

EDIT: I am archiving these post for later, and all replies from said individual it involves, incase it is to be later removed, more or less for my own reflectional viewing on my part, but also due to the fact others have stressed that the last post by the thread starter was infact very extreme on most counts, and as recommended by someone incase it is needed in the future as it has been insinuated upon by the thread starter as that I infact seriously frown upon in a public or private manner, others with mental illness, or disabilities, which I infact do not. While I am going to choose to ignore it and the person behind the statements at this time by giving no credence to it or direct replies, I am also going to be wise enough to put all my ducks in a row so to speak, incase the need arises in the future to reference this due to some serious action taken by said thread starter in some future date, incase said accusations/insinuations are falsely thrown out there again towards myself or possibly others for whatever reason.

OldRover · 10/18/2008, 08:41 PM

My late ex had Munchausen syndrome. It doesn't sound like Missa has it...I became quite experienced in what it's like, and did lots of research. Cases like Missa's aren't uncommon, especially in today's society. However, medication is rarely the answer; it's supposed to be used when all other options fail. Bipolar disorder, for example, can often be handled and controlled with a corrective diet that includes a large daily dose of omega-3.

PCEngineHell · 10/18/2008, 08:53 PM

Quote from: OldRover on 10/18/2008, 08:41 PMMy late ex had Munchausen syndrome. It doesn't sound like Missa has it...I became quite experienced in what it's like, and did lots of research. Cases like Missa's aren't uncommon, especially in today's society. However, medication is rarely the answer; it's supposed to be used when all other options fail. Bipolar disorder, for example, can often be handled and controlled with a corrective diet that includes a large daily dose of omega-3.

I wont even begin to debate that, as it is a very good point, but only state whatever treatment someone would decide to take should be the one suggested by their doctor. And if they need to do so, see 2 or 3 doctors to get a real solid assessment. If the doctor/doctors suggest a certain diet, def head to it sure. I know I would. If they suggest a certain med, maybe get a second or even third consult and see what a couple others think first if you feel uncomfortable just jumping on meds. Same applies for the diet aspect. Incase someone didn't feel that was the right way to deal with it, they should always seek out a second opinion.

Sparky · 10/18/2008, 09:03 PM

OK now i am worried, mike has turned into Dr. Phil

... come on guys... she does not need to be diagnosed of her problems... she needed to place to vent using us as an ear as a community, she does not need any more stress in her life from this place, sure she opens herself up to comments but be gentle we all have our problems.
Mike your intentions may have been for the good but hells... could you have not sent her a PM with your thoughts... this is going to bother her and she is a great girl.

PCEngineHell · 10/18/2008, 09:14 PM

Quote from: guest on 10/18/2008, 09:03 PMOK now i am worried, mike has turned into Dr. Phil ... come on guys... she does not need to be diagnosed of her problems... she needed to place to vent using us as an ear as a community, she does not need any more stress in her life from this place, sure she opens herself up to comments but be gentle we all have our problems.
Mike your intentions may have been for the good but hells... could you have not sent her a PM with your thoughts... this is going to bother her and she is a great girl.

The only reason people brought it up is because they care to some extent, and in the same effect know that they cant do much else here but listen to and comment on what has been said, or whatever is going on. Simply saying nothing is just as well as not caring alot of people would say. Either way, Ive got nothing more to say on it (the health subjects) if it concerns her in general, as I don't want to give her any more "your out to get me " bait.

Sparky · 10/18/2008, 09:22 PM

yes i see you care but sending her a PM first would have been better in my opinion

MissaFX · 10/19/2008, 04:02 AM

Quote from: PCEngineHell on 10/18/2008, 09:14 PM
Quote from: guest on 10/18/2008, 09:03 PMOK now i am worried, mike has turned into Dr. Phil ... come on guys... she does not need to be diagnosed of her problems... she needed to place to vent using us as an ear as a community, she does not need any more stress in her life from this place, sure she opens herself up to comments but be gentle we all have our problems.
Mike your intentions may have been for the good but hells... could you have not sent her a PM with your thoughts... this is going to bother her and she is a great girl.
The only reason people brought it up is because they care to some extent, and in the same effect know that they cant do much else here but listen to and comment on what has been said, or whatever is going on. Simply saying nothing is just as well as not caring alot of people would say. Either way, Ive got nothing more to say on it (the health subjects) if it concerns her in general, as I don't want to give her any more "your out to get me " bait.

I love how you say you are done after you go on over and over again, even unable to drop it now by making this reply. Since you have nothing helpful to say to the members here and you seem to be still making up lies about me, like I am bi-polar, of which I have never claimed to have (find a single source anywhere, I dare you). I have no choice but to report you to the mods of this site for harrassment and for trying to spread lies about me for nothing other than your personal gain of feeling better yourself. My god Michael, you must have not faced a lot of hardship in your life, and I should be happy for you in that respect.

I also thought you checked your facts here when you led your crusades against members here. Just because you feel a certain way and have no facts to back it up, does not mean that you are correct in your assumption. The reason people feel afraid to open up in this world is because of people like you Michael.

This is supposed to be a thread for people to get out things about their parents they have been holding back, or for people to praise their parents where they went right. You are doing nothing but taking this thread off topic and hijacking it for your own selfish needs. I have lost my tollerance for your "antics" here Michael. Your bahaviour is that of a bully and nothing more. Anyone who believes otherwise need only to read the whole shoutbox log from today. Your intent of nothing more than inventing an argument with me and then badmouting me for PAGES AND PAGES after I refused to fight with you. Then you went and hijacked this thread because you couldn't leave well enough alone, probably to try to rile me up more.

I do not back down to bullies Michael, and if nothing for the sake of every person here with some problem who you also think is a pile of proverbial crap. I base my argument on nothing but the hate I have seen you spew forth today and the intollerance you have shown to the less able than yourself. I know this hateful person you often show as your mask is not the real you, but until there is a time that you wish to reveal your true self more than that other mask or self, as other brave people have done in this thread and others, you do not deserve the fellowship you now recieve here.

I suffer greatly each day because of my physical conditions, my mental ones are just the spice that keeps life interesting. You can make light of the mental/physical conditions I have and as long as you don't try to add a bunch on which are constructs of sunshine blown out of the ass of a flying squirell on to me...the worst I will do is call you an a$$h@le and move on with my life. You've made this WAAAAY too personal though Michael whether you realize it or not right now. I've seen nothing from you today but personal attacks against me because you didn't understand what I was talking about and were too embarassed to admit it once you did. I came right out and said, hey, this is where I thought you guys were comming from. Why couldn't you just let it go at that. (notice that is not a question mark, this is not a question, nor open to a reply from you michael)