Well Fuck

[Gypsy]

Warning: this is going to be personal and emotional.
















So I took today to look after my step-dad so my mom could take some time for herself for the first time in well, a long time. While I say step-dad this is the man that raised me. My actual father is a douche and while I won't get into all of it the short of it is he gambled away the family business when I was 6.

My step-dad has Parkinson and due to that rarely knows who anyone is and also has dysphagia. So it has been rough for awhile now. Lately things got even worse so he has needed an oxygen tank as well. It's been a struggle and at this point it looks like a feeding tube and catheter are not far off.

So as I'm watching over him this morning he asks for help. I ask what with and in a rare moment of actually saying something discernible instead of indistinguishable noises he asks me to do something I can not do.

Talk about a punch right in the nads. I'm not going to do it, of course, but damn it just made everything hit me like a sack of bricks. I always knew deep down that he doesn't have long left but it just brought everything out. I wanted to scream and vomit at the same time. Instead I just cried a lot. I'll probably cry more throughout the day. To think of the personal hell he must be going through right now tears me up.

So why did I make this thread? I really don't know, I just needed to type this out I suppose.

[NecroPhile]

God damn, that's a tough one.  I hope things get better for you all soon. 

[Gypsy]

Thanks NecroPhile. He actually just passed on within the last half hour and I'm a train wreck. There is a hospice person here now and stuff is being taken care of.

[seieienbu]

I hope that he died peacefully.  You were in a very rough situation. I'm sorry that all of that happened.  Dealing with a loved one's death is awful but I'm certain that you'll feel better over time.

[xcrement5x]

That is horrible man.  I am glad though that you have your family around to help you work through it all, they are the most important thing you can have. 

[Gypsy]

That is horrible man.  I am glad though that you have your family around to help you work through it all, they are the most important thing you can have.

Yeah I called my mom right after the hospice people and she will be over here soon. I can't stop crying honestly.

I hope that he died peacefully.  You were in a very rough situation. I'm sorry that all of that happened.  Dealing with a loved one's death is awful but I'm certain that you'll feel better over time.

Appreciate the kind words. About as peaceful as could be considering.

[Sarumaru]

I am really sorry to hear about your loss. It will take some time, but the heaviness you feel in your heart right now will lessen over time. Take solace knowing that he is no longer suffering. For someone to ask of such a thing, he was likely in much discomfort and pain. I wish the best to you and your family during this time of distress.

[turboswimbz]

Sorry man, Wishing you the best.   I was in similar shoes 3 years ago. I hope you can take some comfort in the forums best wishes.

[spenoza]

You knew you had to share to help yourself cope. That kind of self-awareness will help you get through this. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Best of luck.

[Gypsy]

You knew you had to share to help yourself cope. That kind of self-awareness will help you get through this. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Best of luck.

Thanks to you, and Null too. The response here and elsewhere has been tremendous and is helping.

[Psycho Punch]

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you and your family the best, take care.

[Arkhan Asylum]

damn dude.  Really sorry to hear about that.   Losing a parent sucks.

It's like worse-than-Turrican levels of sucking.

Everything will probably feel like a jacked up blur for awhile as you just move from task to task wondering when everythings going to settle down.   It gets better.

Distractions help.   Me personally, I binged on GTA5 online.  There was a nice soothing feeling I got from running over people with a car and hearing them scream at me through the PSN voice-thing.

[Gypsy]

damn dude.  Really sorry to hear about that.   Losing a parent sucks.

It's like worse-than-Turrican levels of sucking.

Everything will probably feel like a jacked up blur for awhile as you just move from task to task wondering when everythings going to settle down.   It gets better.

Distractions help.   Me personally, I binged on GTA5 online.  There was a nice soothing feeling I got from running over people with a car and hearing them scream at me through the PSN voice-thing.

FUCKING TURRICAN.

Interestingly enough I've been playing UT04 for a bit now. Just wanna shooooot shit. Then I'll watch some SPORRRRRRTS tonight and just blank out for a bit.

[Arkhan Asylum]

Interestingly enough I've been playing UT04 for a bit now. Just wanna shooooot shit. Then I'll watch some SPORRRRRRTS tonight and just blank out for a bit.

There you go.   Mindless-auto-pilot-violence is a fantastic distraction and way to stay entertained. 

I wonder if the Doom dudes ever though the thing they were pioneering was going to eventually become a like therapeutic device for people.

[johnnykonami]

Gypsy, sorry to hear about your loss, man.  I have been through the passing of a parent myself, and I feel for you.  My close friends helped me a lot during that time.  I think spending time with friends and focusing on work are both helpful distractions, but straight up grieving is part of the process too.

[Medic_wheat]

I can't imagine at it alien to loose my father or mother.

With that said I can empathize on what it's like to lose a loved one while in hospic.

Stay strong and allow yourself to grieve.

[TR0N]

You have my condolence man.Had my lost last year after my mother passed away and a uncle as well.Most you can do is keep busy if possible and surround yourself with friends and family.Other then,take you're time in coping and i wouldn't worry about posting here much if i were you.

[NightWolve]

Hey Gypsy, my condolences... Sorry to hear.

My pop died in his sleep at 61 back in 2007, so at least he didn't linger on in agony like what you describe wanting an exit... Real stressful time especially considering we decided to honor his wish to be buried back in his home village in Greece but we pulled it off with extended family help...

Anyway, it gets better with time as all things, so mourn, cherish his memory if he was a good man and soldier on as we all must do... All the best man!

[Bloufo]

Gypsy, my condolences as well.

I can relate to the stress and shock with regard to your loss.
Both my parents went out in a really tough way. My mom passed away a little over a year ago.

It takes time. You need that to come to terms with losing a loved one, and finally find some peace and acceptance with it.
There is no wrong or right way in trying to cope with your loss. Everyone is different. Being with family and close friends at this time is very important.

Stay strong. My prayers are with you.

[Gypsy]

You have my condolence man.Had my lost last year after my mother passed away and a uncle as well.Most you can do is keep busy if possible and surround yourself with friends and family.Other then,take you're time in coping and i wouldn't worry about posting here much if i were you.

Yeah, spent a lot of time with my brothers this weekend. Debating if I want to take some bereavement leave or not.

Thanks to all posting nice things again.

[jtucci31]

You have my condolence man.Had my lost last year after my mother passed away and a uncle as well.Most you can do is keep busy if possible and surround yourself with friends and family.Other then,take you're time in coping and i wouldn't worry about posting here much if i were you.

Yeah, spent a lot of time with my brothers this weekend. Debating if I want to take some bereavement leave or not.

Thanks to all posting nice things again.

If you're on the fence about taking leave I would maybe say you should. Don't feel like you need to get over this faster than you should. Properly dealing with this is really important.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Sparky]

There are no words man. ((Biggest hugs))

[Gypsy]

You have my condolence man.Had my lost last year after my mother passed away and a uncle as well.Most you can do is keep busy if possible and surround yourself with friends and family.Other then,take you're time in coping and i wouldn't worry about posting here much if i were you.

Yeah, spent a lot of time with my brothers this weekend. Debating if I want to take some bereavement leave or not.

Thanks to all posting nice things again.

If you're on the fence about taking leave I would maybe say you should. Don't feel like you need to get over this faster than you should. Properly dealing with this is really important.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Yeah, the funeral is Wednesday so for now I took 3 days.

[crazydean]

Very sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.

[mitsuman]

Sorry for your loss. I dread the day I have to deal with this.

I know it may be a rough thing to do, but keep an eye on your mother. Not knowing anything about her, she may be guilt ridden with the fact that the one time she left his side, he did not make it. Not saying she will blame you, but more look at it as it is her fault.

And take the bereavement. You may not think you need it, but you do.

[Gypsy]

Very good on that front. We had a nice chat.

[Gypsy]

The elderly woman that works at the local post office (and knew my step-dad) dropped off some fresh home made cinnamon rolls today. What a wonderful surprise. 

[NecroPhile]

Mmm, home made rolls are the best.

[Gypsy]

Yep. They are going to go straight to my ass. 

[NecroPhile]

Yep. They are going to go straight to my ass. 

I prefer to take them orally, but whatever floats your boat.  We won't judge. 

[Gypsy]

Bahahaha.

[in99flames]

Just read all of this. Sorry to bring up sad topics...but im really sorry you went through all that. Everything will be ok. He is in No more pain. For distraction sake...here is gay garfield.
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[Gypsy]

Bahahaha. Wtf.

[in99flames]

Well...i suppose ill post the back of that book to continue the distraction.... :-D
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